This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
