well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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