I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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