you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
