I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
