that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize