Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
