i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
