Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
