I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
