John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
