I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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