It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
