get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
