what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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