I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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