No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
