You're my little dorito
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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