I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
NoShamevember. You game?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
