HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
