I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
