Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
