Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
