oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
