Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize