Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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