He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
