I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
