Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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