My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
