Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
