I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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