i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
