Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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