Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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