you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
