My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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