i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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