Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
