When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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