Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
