god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize