I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
