Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
