my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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