I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
