I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
