I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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