she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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