i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
