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Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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