Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize