i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
