he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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