hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
