So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
