i think i have two assholes
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
