I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
