you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
