Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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