I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
