I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
