apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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