I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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