At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
as a side note pls kill me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
