I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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