dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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