I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
