Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
