I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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