I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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