he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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