Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
3 2 1 whiskey
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
