So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
