I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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