He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
