Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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