You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
