So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
