Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
