drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
