My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
