You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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