does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
