dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
