brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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