my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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