just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
