So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
