bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
