It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she peed on how many people?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize