I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
