I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
