...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
