i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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