Will you blow on my dice?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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